I purposely didn’t post a blog on V-Day. My reason? I didn’t want to share my negativity about the “fake holiday” as my friend Jana calls it. You can read her thoughts here. The good news is that I survived quite successfully. As surprising as it was to me, I actually enjoyed the day more than I have in several years. And now you’re all wondering why an unmarried, not currently dating, woman who had a 4-year plan that would have had her married by 22 and raising a family by 24, (a goal which I missed by more years than I care to think about), and who also has no specific goal in life other than to be married and raise a family and work in the ministry (even though I am currently taking courses at a local university towards that wonderful English degree), had a somewhat enjoyable Valentine’s Day. Well, I had an enjoyable day because I didn’t have time to feel sorry for my self about my single status. I had an enjoyable day because I spent that day preparing for the Valentine Banquet I was orchestrating with our youth group. I had an enjoyable day because I spent the better part of it smiling and trying my very best to make the day a wonderful day for my church family (both married and single).
So, does this mean I’ve found the secret? I think perhaps on some level it does. Yes, I still want to be married more that I dare try to explain. Yes, I still have difficulty with the “in the waiting” attitude I wrote about earlier and try so faithfully try to uphold. Yes, I still sometimes think about “the one that got away” and wonder if I missed my only chance at “true love.” However, something happened in my head and I hope my heart this Valentine’s Day. I think I finally “got it.” I think I finally understand what Jesus was talking about when he said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God . . . and all these things shall be added unto you.” I think it finally sunk in that I should “love my neighbor as myself.” I think I really understood, more than ever before, what it is to do something entirely for others, without concern for my own Valentine’s Day, or any other day’s, happiness. Somehow, although it may make no sense whatsoever, it makes the loneliness a little easier to bear. It doesn’t make it go away, but it does make the wait just a bit more endurable. I sometimes wish I had all the answers to the plan God has for me, but I’m really glad I don’t. Somewhere, amidst the surprises and the sorrows there is this growth that occurs, sometimes slowly and other times like a weed, but it is there. And I trust it is not only a growth in myself, but an opportunity to redistribute that growth to others out there who don’t have a reason to hope that life truly can be “exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we could ever ask, think, or even dare to imagine.”