I’m hungry. And not for tacos.
It has been creeping up on since before Christmas, this hunger. I’m hungry for more of the Word, for more worship, for more praise, for more Jesus.
I know that my spirit is always hungering and thirsting for fellowship with my Savior, but I haven’t felt it this strong in a long time. It stops my days. It interrupts my nights. It is hovering around me like a cloud.
I’ve tried to do something about it. I’ve started listening to more Christian music. I’ve started a devotional on the YouVersion app on my phone. But I just realized today what’s still missing. I’m not praying. Not like I should. I mean, I’m praising, but I’m not spending any time in prayer.
My excuses are frail. “There are always a bunch of people around,” or “I’m waiting until I can work it into my daily routine.” But those are meaningless. The truth is, I’m not making time to pray. I’m having a hard time getting started. I’m finding it difficult to just speak the words I know I should. I know He won’t reject me. I know He’s always there, but I feel like I’ve been distant for too long. I feel unworthy of His attention. And I don’t want my prayers to be empty. I want to mean what I say. I want to speak from my heart to my Father and know that my words are true.
So, I hesitate and stumble over the act of prayer. And my hunger increases, because I know that I cannot be completely satisfied until I am truly in fellowship with Him.
I should go pray. You, dear reader, are a distraction from what I should actually be doing right now. You’ll forgive me if I don’t have a witty remark or thoughtful question to end this post?